But will I follow through?
I was really very saddened to hear of Ken Auster's passing this weekend. I hadn't known he was sick... of course, I am not closely acquainted, so why would I? The world has lost a great artist - and a generous, inspiring teacher. Luckily we have his videos to continue to learn from him.
I had the opportunity to learn with him in New York City eight years ago. EIGHT years ago. That really got me thinking this weekend. The workshop was wonderful. But how have I incorporated what I learned into my work? How have I grown? Have I painted with passion?
No. Sometimes. I don't know. To be honest, I worry way too much about what galleries want, or what might sell. I worry the paintings into lifeless, "pretty" scenes perhaps, but without allowing myself any expression. Then I worry that I don't have any thing to say after all. Its a vicious cycle.
I think I need to look long and hard at what I want to do with my art. I second guess myself too much. I have a wonderfully supportive husband who encourages me to paint, as much as I can, to become a better painter. But I still feel like painting is a reward when I've done my chores. It has to be the focus of my day and I have to let go of my fears and paint from the heart.
If you can, please look at Ken's work, read his story, watch his videos and learn as much about painting with passion as you can. He inspired me so much, though I was probably just one of thousands of his students. His passing reminds me that I don't want to waste more time with self doubt, worry and too much left brain interference. Wish me luck. Or better yet, peace.
A Painter's Journal
Chasing the light. Capturing life.
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